Short List (for the hospital)

When I was halfway pregnant with Jbaby, I started planning what to pack in my hospital bag. I followed the typical lists you see all over Google and wanted to make sure I left nothing behind. Fast forward 18 weeks and I’m completely unprepared at L&D when I’m told by a high risk OB they’d be inducing labor immediately. This meant Jdaddy had to run back home to change (he came straight from base in his uniform) and pack both of us the necessary items for labor and our hospital stay. It’s a lot to ask of a man when I had very little pre-packed and my phone was dead so he couldn’t call to ask anything. However, he totally rocked it. I had everything I needed with nothing that wound up being just dead weight to keep up with. So, I’d like to go ahead and make a list here as reference for me, and hopefully others, later on.

• Wallet – I’m not going to be able to get on base, much less check in at L&D without my mil ID.
• Birth Plan – Mostly for my doula’s reference because I know the OB who only comes in long enough to catch the baby isn’t going to read my birth plan.
• Toiletries – Shampoo/conditioner, soap, contact solution, toothbrush/toothpaste.
• Snacks – I will eat if I want to this time around.
• Phone charger – I don’t plan to use it much, but zero service means it dies in about 5 minutes.
• Clothes – Nursing bras and possibly an outfit to wear home. Last time I just wore the clothes home that I had worn to the hospital since I had them on all of 20 minutes before changing into a gown.

For the baby:

• Clothes – I crocheted an outfit for the baby to wear in the hospital. And of course the going home outfit.

I will not be bringing a nightgown or slippers or anything to wear in the hospital. I’m perfectly ok with bleeding all over their linens and not my own. Also, I love the mesh panties. It’s my favorite part of hospital stays! No diapers or wipes, since the hospital provides those. No diaper bag, no newborn care book, no pillows, photos, gifts for siblings, etc. If it isn’t absolutely necessary, it isn’t coming. There is enough hassle trying to pack up and get myself and the baby down to the car without 50lbs of extra baggage. After all, it’s a hospital, not a 3rd world country.

Anything you mamas absolutely needed that I left off?

Because it can’t all be good news.

Today was an eventful day at the hospital. For starters, I went to the bathroom and realized I forgot my underwear at home. I can blame that on baby brain, right? But that’s not really too important since they are completely unnecessary for a vaginal ultrasound anyway.

The tech made a huge deal about the fact I’m not yet 16 weeks. Even though when this appointment was scheduled, the next available wasn’t until 18 weeks. I think 15 is closer to 16 than 18 is, but I’m not a mathologist, so what do I know? She did offer to measure baby, due to discrepancy in the clinic’s due date and the hospital’s. (That’s all my fault because I was caught off guard when asked about my LMP. Next time I’ll remember to lie.) But first, cervical measurement. Except I was having a weird contraction and she couldn’t see it. Like, at all. And then she attempted to measure my ovaries. But they had apparently gone off to party with my cervix because we couldn’t find those either. So, on to baby! Where we found out that Poppy is quite a show off, in more ways than one. After a few more attempts at measuring the cervix, she was able to get a good look. My cervix is long and closed! And also completely covered by my placenta.

Complete placenta previa is not something I was expecting. Well, no one really expects it, I’m sure. Yet to go in thinking the worst with IC and instead to see an entirely different, but still serious, issue… Not cool. Not cool at all, Mr. Cervix. I’m not sure what made me think that maybe, just maybe, we could have smooth sailing from here on out. That won’t be happening, though. I will be checked again in a few weeks, and if it’s still there? We’re looking at 36 week c-section being a huge possibility. If that’s the case, oh well. We will do everything we can to prepare. And with 20 weeks left, there’s time for it to resolve. It’s much less likely with total previa, but a girl can hope, right?

Baby Poppy week 12-13

Stats:

Weight: 166.

Waist (at belly button): Not a clue. I’ll remember to measure one of these days.

Total weight gain: 5lbs so far. More than I’d like so I’ve got to slow that down from here on out.

Average number of times I get up to pee per night: Once. And dying to go again by the time I wake up.

Other pregnancy related stuff:

Emotional stuff: I cry. A lot. But overall not too bad. (Don’t ask J. He lies.)

Physical stuff: I’m pretty tired most of the time. And my back hurts way more than it should at only 13 weeks.

What I want to devour: Nothing in particular. I wanted pancakes all the time for a few weeks, but no cravings now.

What makes me want to hurl: Nothing, thank goodness. Episodes of morning sickness are much less frequent now.

Activity: None. Bed rest will do that to you.

Boy? Or girl?: Who knows? I had boy feelings then girl feelings and now none either way.

Names: We’ve decided on names for boy and girl and we’re not sharing.

In other news: This pregnancy is flying by. Flying. Poppy is a very chill baby, but every now and then he/she will kick if something (such as big brother) is on my belly.

Tandem nursing update (talking about boobs. you may skip):

Jbaby has decided to eat solids! But he still nurses very frequently. For the most part he has stopped nursing at night, which is more comfortable for me sleeping. And there’s still milk there!

Finally, the weekly photo:

Poppyseed

I know a lot of people think it’s bad to announce pregnancies before 12 weeks. I am not one of those people. We share the news of our babies almost as soon as we find out. Why? Because if we lose this baby in the first trimester, he or she is no less our child than if we lost them later on, or bring them home to live with us forever. They deserve every bit of acknowledgement and love that Jbaby is given. They are all our children, no matter how long they are here with us.

That being said, yes this is extremely early. Meet Baby Poppy (4w):

Stats:

Weight: 161. This is a lot lighter than I was with Jbaby. I think exactly the same as with Olive. I like it as a starting point.

Waist (at belly button): [No idea, but I really wish I had gotten this measurement.]

Total weight gain: Zero

Average number of times I get up to pee per night: None. Only because that would be a waste of FMU for HPTs. (Yes, I’m addicted.)

Other pregnancy related stuff:

Emotional stuff: About the same as always. Except snacking before we leave the house is mandatory. OR I’m a bear.

Physical stuff: My belly is as big now as it was at 12 weeks with Jb. Yay, baby bloat! I’ve also been nauseous since the second implantation occurred. Hitting the potty at least once an hour. And everything I drink tastes metallic.

What I want to devour: Hamburgers. Every meal. And all the gluten free things I’ve cut out the past month.

What makes me want to hurl: Nothing yet!

Activity: Same as always. Walking and jogging, chasing around my crazy toddler.

Boy? Or girl?: It’s early yet, but I’m sort of feeling boy. We will be happy either way, of course.

Names: Undecided.

In other news: There’s nothing to buy for this baby since we have everything from Jb. Which means I will be spending too much time looking at maternity clothes.

Tandem nursing update (talking about boobs. you may skip):

Jbaby still does not eat solids consistently. And by that, I mean anything other than a popsicle is hit or miss. 99% miss. And that means he nurses a lot. That is perfectly ok with me. My biggest worry is that my supply will dry up, forcing him to wean. We’ll take it as it comes, though.

Finally, the weekly photo:

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Breastfeeding Chronicles, pt 2. “Tongue Tie Evaluation”

About a month ago we realized Jbaby is  tongue tied.

This past Thursday, we met with the ENT doctor at the Army hospital here. He was extremely nice, and Jbaby took to him right away. (Though, if I’m honest, there’s no one my little social bug doesn’t take to right away.) Dr. R spent a few minutes getting some breastfeeding history, asking questions about whether or not we had introduced solids and how long I intended to “mostly exclusively breastfeed.”  After evaluating the frenulum and throat, took a quick look in Jb’s nose and ears. And then he said it. “If you plan to continue… well, you do plan to continue breastfeeding, so we’ll do this. How does next Thursday at 11;30 work for you?”

I’m not going to lie, I was floored. Could a doctor at this hospital actually be listening to me and trying to help my breastfeeding relationship?  The last time someone was this concerned with my baby nursing was in the ER the night I was admitted for gallstones. (She will always be my favorite Tripler doctor even though I have no idea what her name was and probably wouldn’t recognize her if I saw her.) He walked me through the procedure, explained the risks, and went over what to do afterward. The whole process should take 20 minutes. Twenty minutes to hopefully fix what has been hurting for 8 whole months. I just can’t imagine.

Other concerns the doctor had was seeing Jbaby has a wide/bifid uvula, which can indicate a submucosal cleft palate. It’s a little early to tell and since it doesn’t pose a problem in and of itself, nothing to be too worried about. He also noted that the upper lip tie will cause a gap between his front teeth, but there’s no need to correct it right now. At first this was a little upsetting, but thinking more about it, I’m glad. On one hand, it would be nice to fix everything is his mouth at one time. On the other hand, it’s going to be hard enough to sit there and watch them cut his tongue anyway. I don’t know that I could handle anything else right now.

So, in just 5 days, Jbaby will be going back up to Tripler to have his tongue clipped. And we’ll go from there.

Beautiful Moments

When I was little and we went on road trips (which was almost every weekend) my parents used to reach into the backseat and hold my hand. I remember hours at a time their shoulders would be twisted and their arms stuck back, just to be close to their little girl, as long as I would let them.

Tonight I held Joe’s hand while we were driving home. It was a feeling I can’t describe. The way his soft little palm wrapped around my finger. It was a perfect fit.

I hope that never goes away. I hope he’s never too embarrassed to hold his mommy’s hand. Never too old to cuddle with me and fall asleep while I hold him. Never too big to sit in my lap while I kiss the top of his head. Never too brave to cry out for me in the night. Never too independent to say he doesn’t need me. And if ever he feels he is, that there will still be times like these. Beautiful moments when he’s nothing more than mommy’s little boy. Mommy’s sweet, precious little Blueberry.

(Holding Hands – 12.4.10)

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Breastfeeding Chronicles, pt 1. “Tongue Tied”

I don’t know what it is in me that gives me such a drive to breastfeed. But it’s there. And it’s why we’ve gone through everything we have to keep this nursing relationship alive. I could sit here and spell out every single issue that’s come up (inability to suck, mastitis, surgery, losing supply, oversupply, etc) but reading the words on a page do nothing to show what a difficult, painful journey it has been. It will not make you feel the heartache or experience the failure. So I’m going to spare you the long, drawn out history.

I will tell you that I love nursing my son. And I will do whatever it takes to continue.

Recently, a Twitter friend who was having a lot of breastfeeding troubles posted about her daughter having a maxillary labial frenum and tongue tie. She included pictures, which looked a lot like Jbaby’s mouth. She gave me a lot of very helpful information and talked to me about her own experience. So I sent a few pictures out and got some online opinions about whether or not it would be a good idea to have him checked out. The next step was to contact the LC at the Army hospital here. She told me he was too old for her to be any help, but to contact our pediatrician for a referral to ENT. This did not leave me hopeful. It seems that the only important thing at the clinic is that a baby is gaining weight. I agree, that’s a pretty big deal. But it’s not the only thing that matters!

Our appointment was yesterday, and took all of 5 minutes. The doctor did agree to put in a referral for us, and said it was worth being looked at. But he also made sure to repeat several times that “Everyone is tongue tied.” Sorry, doc, but I’m not concerned about anyone but my son. I don’t care if Suzy Q’s frenulum receded with time. She’s not biting my nipples. I also don’t have to worry about teeth crowding or speech therapy later on for anyone but Jbaby, so I’ll keep my focus on him. Dr. H did mention a little concern about the upper lip tie, saying that an injury to that later in his childhood could cause problems.

It was really disappointing to be told not to hope for much. After all, he’s seven months old and gaining steadily. If ENT refuses to take care of the problem, there are other options. More difficult and expensive options, but that’s ok. The important thing is that we might finally have some relief. Hopefully it will be soon.

You have stolen my heart.

My little bundle of joy is now a chubby, active, crawling baby monster! He has really grown in leaps and bounds this past month. It’s hard to look at him now and imagine that 8lb 6oz Baby Blueberry we brought home. It’s even harder to imagine what our lives were like before he joined our little family.

Before we ever got pregnant, I wanted a girl. J wanted a girl. We even talked about our future “Linzi Marijane” any time we talked about children. And when we found out we were expecting, we of course were hoping for a girl. But, honestly, I just knew it was a boy. When we told our parents, my mom said “It’s a boy.” Still, J held out hope.

Since my husband was scheduled to be deployed for most of the pregnancy, we decided to find out the gender ASAP. We went to a place out in town around 15 weeks. Everyone sent us lots of pink vibes, and we were anxious to see who was right.

It was a boy.

Seven months later, I’m thrilled to have this little man in my life. He’s all over the place and into everything. Sure, there aren’t as many cute boy clothes, but who cares? He’d rather be naked anyway. He’s rough and tumble and mommy’s best friend. He is perfect.

It’s true. He has stolen my heart.